As I consider the past four years of my life, I see that the Lord has done a lot to peel back the layers of my heart and scales from my eyes.
As grotesque as that sounds, I have spent much of my twenty-three years of life viewing life and God through distorted lenses that triggered me to build up barriers around my heart in self-defense.
But barriers in defense of what?
What could my heart possibly be guarding itself against?
Something pricks my heart, and I recoil as I recall exactly that which I have protected myself against.
What is it that causes us so much to fear being exposed, laid bare, hearts wide open to display for the world all that lies within?
It is the darkness we fear, the dead flesh within that we allow to come back to reside once again in our lives, afraid to give up the old man in exchange for the new.
Growing up as a missionary kid, there were expectations–some imagined, some very real, but many self-imposed–expectations that forced a young introvert to draw everything that she was into herself and live in fear of falling short of perfection.
That little girl became a grown-up walking fortress, closed off, a front for an image that kept all at a safe distance and allowed none a glimpse into the beating heart within.
But that walking fortress was planted alongside divine oceans, that washed each wall with waves of grace that brought that fortress tumbling down.
So, here I am.
A heart wide open.
I am learning to live from the life given through streams of grace that run clear through my heart, reminders that I need not reach for something that has been freely given to me. I live not reaching for His grace, but I live from His grace.
You’re welcome to take a look into this heart, a broken life, redeemed.
I hope you see the fingerprints of Jesus and His healing hand over every rift, His glory shining and resplendent.
And I’ll just live and love, a heart wide open, healed and whole.